I wish all Sues would disappear as easily as they do in your story. Very cute. Now what's this about daddy?
You know, love, if all Sues were as well thought out as yours here, there'd be far fewer calls from me to you at 2 AM, howling about whom I'll mutilate.
Thank you for dedicating it to me, darling. I am actually a little speechless and am feeling remarkably loved. And it's a Mary Sue parody...My God, you really do know me very well!
You're absolutely lovely and the story is hysterical. More, more, more :)
BÃƒÂ©bÃƒÂ©, let me tell you something quite honestly. Ready?
"Oh, baby, baby, how was I supposed to know? That something wasn't riiight!"
More, more and more. These stories give me my sanity back...
I am becoming one of your fangirls, aren't I? Mon Dieu, how embarassing.
Start nominating your stories for awards. They are worth it...
Very powerful. I like the idea and sadly, while there aren't enough Galadriel stories, yours is definitely one of the good ones.
It's an interesting idea to pair off Eowyn with one of the Elves but timing-wise it's not very accurate. At that point she would have already met Faramir and fallen in love with him. You make no mention of him.
There are a lot of rhetorical questions out there. Watch out for those. Also, don't repeat yourself quite as much. You stated already that Elladan relied heavily on his twin brother (incidentally, "twin" is always spelled with a lower case "t"). There's really no need to repeat yourself.
Well-written and good descriptions. You mention that this story is different from all the other girl-in-ME stories. I hope so since the beginning is truly promising but there are already a few similarities: a broken heart, unkown lineage. A translator is a nice touch but you might want to add a few more details. Careful that Lyla doesn't turn into a Sue.
I came over from the Forums to read your story. Curious...definitely, definitely curious. When you said you had odd pairings, you weren't kidding, were you?
This is very descriptive and pretty well written. I couldn't find much wrong with it other than it was in the wrong category and did not have an AU warning.
Tolkien Book Verse is for canon-friendly stories only and LotR section is more lenient. I also made this story AU because Old Took's sexuality was determined and thus, if he's gay, it's going to be AU. I hope that makes sense.
I moved the stories for you. I hope you will not mind. If the rules are confusing you, there's going to be an update soon :)
Arwen playing pranks...Very intriguing.
What I find very distracting about your story is you constantly changing tenses.
"The man puts a sleeping spell on the three boys" is in present tense but then the rest of the story continues in past tense.
It's not necessary to switch around so much or at all for that matter. Keep it all in one tense.
All of the chapters have the same title. Was that intentional? I must say it's original but ...You can see the titles in the actual text but you might want to put that title in the control panel instead of leaving it all "Elrond".
There are a few mistakes so please pay careful attention to your spell check or get a beta reader. We have betas at the Forums so you don't have to go very far to look.
Author's Response: Yeah, I'm sorry about the past present mistake, I tried to fix that over and over, but when I uploaded it kept reverting back. I really thought I had it this time. The Elrond chapter title thing was a mistake too, I will try to fix these things as soon as possible.
Powerfully written. I enjoyed reading this. You might want to take out the hyperlinks in the story though. They are pretty distracting. Pace yourself a bit more. While the feeling of suffocation present here is appropriate, you might want to "breathe" a little bit :)
Very poignant. I suppose that is exactly how Arwen would have felt had she decided to sail to Valinor with the rest of her people.
Interesting subject matter. I liked this but since you have quite a few spelling and grammatical errors, I strongly suggest that you get a beta reader.
I am not sure if Aragorn would ever call Elrond "ada". Yes, Elrond did bring him up but Aragorn always knew that Arathorn was his father because Gilraen (his mother) always made a point of him knowing that, his heritage, etc.
I enjoy reading your stories but you might want to pay attention to these little things. They will make your stories a lot better!
Very sweet. I really enjoyed it. It has a few modernisms though:
"that says something right there", "Prince Charming", "Knight in Shining Armour", etc. Since Ãƒâ€°owyn is writing this quite some time before these phrases were invented, you might want to substitute them with something else.
There are some grammatical mistakes and some sentences seem a bit awkward because they stop almost mid-breath (hope that makes sense). It matches the mood, Ãƒâ€°owyn trying to explain everything, etc. but try to make them flow a bit more.
Overall, I really enjoyed reading this. You captured her feelings very well.
Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I appreciate your honesty. I will look through the piece and make the necessary adjustments.
I am somewhat confused right now. Why is the entire cast of the Lord of the Rings in the 21st century? There isn't much of an introduction and it seems a bit disjointed.
Keri doesn't like Gimli or Arwen? Why? There isn't an explanation. While you may bring up all of that in latter chapters, it's usually best to explain some of the obvious things in the first chapter.
There are orthographic errors like Camilla pointed out. Perhaps it might be best if you got yourself a beta reader. Also you might find this site (http://realelvish.tripod.com/sindarin_phrase_book) very useful. Actually, concerning Elvish, Tolkien himself said that it is not possible to be fluent in that tongue. You may know some phrases, etc. but Elvish is not something one in 21st century U.S. would be fluent in...ever!
Good luck with this.
Author's Response: Ok, they aren't in the twenty first century. And it does go on to explain that. They are in Middle Earth. I'm sorry that i failed to explain why Keri doesn't like Arwen and Gimli. I can tell you right now that she doesn't like Arwen because she doesn't think that she did much of anything for the Fellowship. Her reason for not liking Gimli is that she was picked on by other kids at school when they were saying that she loved Gimli. Again, they are not in the twenty first century they are in Middle Earth, so it would be possible for a girl who's best friend is an elf to be good at speaking elvish. Thank you for sending me a review, though. And thank you for asking questions. It not only helps me to repair my work, but it shows that you are a good reader. Thanks for the support. Lindariel Rimdur
Author's Response: Me again. I just have a question. Other than not really understanding a few things, did you like my story and understand most of it? Thanks. God Bless, Lindariel Rimdur
THIS IS RILLY DISTURBNG M31! WTF U GOT3N IN AL WRONG11!1 OMG Ãƒâ€°OWYNS SUPOS3D 2 B WIT ARAGORN NOT WIT FARMIR111111! WTF HAEVNT U READ TEH BOKS?!? ITS AL WRONG WUT U WROTE11! OMG ITS SO CAN0N!111 OMG WTF FIX IT IMEDIAETLY1111!
You're no longer allowed to write if with every story I am looking around for tissues. Painting with words, indeed!
I giggled quite a few times as I were reading this. A very nice idea but you might really want to get a beta. There are a few errors, which are distracting from the story!
Author's Response: Thanks, yes I know. My beta went on holiday during the fic, so it got posted as is, sorry for the typos.
Your sentences are a bit short and somewhat disjointed; it's almost as if you break them down in the middle. Have you got a beta?
Also the chapters are quite short as well. You do get right to the point but sometimes some background information, details, etc. are a very good idea.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. That's why I am not updating. I am working on the writing. I am gonna change a few things and add new stuff. So yeah. Thanks again.
I doubt that modern words like "OK" would be used by Middle earth characters. Try to stay in character.
Have someone read your work and correct your mistakes. You have a bunch of completely unnecessary commas such as "are you, angry?"