Your friendly neighbourhood moderator here. I've edited your first chapter because it was riddled with mistakes and bad formatting. Please edit your other chapters yourself, particulary in the area of quotes. All new speakers need a new paragraph. Like this: "Hello Legolas." "Hello Laura." Your story as it is extremely hard to make sense of. The rules of this site dictate good spelling and grammar. Please follow this. If you have problems, the forums have threads for beta requests.
She better not be after Faramir! *gives murderous glare* Ah, a chilling morality tale of the danger of having too many children. Or having Sues in general. The dream was particular evil. Don't do that again or I might hunt you.
Author's Response: *bows* I thanketh thou humbly for considering the dream so disturbing... I think. ^_^! But you know Sues, if it's male, they wants it... Oh, well. Thanks!
Nicely written and interesting exploration of how Gimli might come to join Legolas in his voice. Their banter was particulary lovely.
My only real problem is with "Middle Earth". I know a lot of people spell it this way, but Tolkien did write it "Middle-earth". Bit of a mini-peeve. But aside from that, I very much enjoyed.
Author's Response: "Middle Earth"? What was I on? I so know better--I did it rught in my other fics...sigh...Anyway, thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it, and thanks as well for pointing that out so I can fix it! *whaps herself on the forehead*
It felt right to have Faramir have this dream, and it was described lovely. The characters are themselves, though the language is slightly less archaic than Tolkien, this doesn't really bother. It works. My only real niggle is that the use of ellipses feels a bit too much and the quotes jump a bit between European styles ("" instead of having one down and one up). But those are minor things. Overall, I liked.
This is your friendly neighbour moderator calling. I have edited your story slightly to weed out some mistakes, particulary with quotes ("Hi," he said, not "Hi." he said). Please look the changes over and implement them for your other chapters. The site rules do dictate good grammar and spelling is a must. If you want some help with this, the forums have threads to request betas. Thanks!
Hey, your friendly neighbourhood moderator here. Your first chapter title has a little typo "Vapire" instead of Vampire. Might want to fix that. Also, quotes are like this: "Hi," he said. You use comma when a quote is followed by "he said/she said/she murmured" etc. You also overdo a bit on the commas.
Either way, good luck with the rest of the story! (And don't hurt poor Will too much, eh?)
Author's Response: soory about the typo, I was in a hurry at that time... and I know that with the comma, it's something that sneaks in from the german grammer which is my first language... I try my best to correct it... oh, and he won't be hurt much more, Physically at least...
Bit short, but nicely written.
It's a kind of story that changes direction a few times and it really is a journey that you can't quite predict. But it's well worth it. A very different story and I'm interested to see where it all ends.
Keep him away from blonde Nordic looking women, eh? How about Nordic brunettes?
Quite amusing, though I missed a reference to Grima-nicking - in the book he was said to have several things in his chest that others were missing, Theoden's sword included.
Author's Response: Aye. I shall consider this... and that. ^_^!
Nice poem. Just a few things - tiny spelling mistake in line two as well as the summary - should be "breathe", not breath. And in the third last line it should be "for you're all I see". Nice tone and feeling to it, though.
Author's Response: Thanks for pointing out my spelling mistakes, i'm a horrible speller! I'm glad you liked it! Thanks again
Where the heck did Faramir go in all this? Did he just not meet Eowyn in the Houses of Healing or what?
Not a bad start and an interesting choice of scene. Spelling is good, but you might be overdoing the commas a bit. I'll be looking forward to the rest.
Oh dear. To put it bluntly, you have a lot of grammar hiccups in this one. For instance, "*YOUR A NO GOOD HUMAN!*" should be "you're". Your is possessive, as in your house or your story. You're is short for you are, as in you're writing this story. Furthermore, you're missing a lot of punctuation, especially in quotes. Ã âI spoke with Glorfindel todayÃÂ he said Ã âHe told me about the bulliesÃÂ should be "I spoke with Glorfindel today," he said. "He told me about the bullies." There's a quite a few like that. And "Sir" is not really a term that would be used in Middle-earth, "my Lord" would be more appropriate. This website requires you to follow certain standards in spelling and grammar. I suggest you get yourself a beta. There's plenty who offer to beta over at the forums here, or you can look elsewhere. It will help your writing a lot, trust me.
Some lovely sentiments in there, but there is a bit of jarring with the world of Tolkien. Elves did not as such date as we would call it, though I'm sure they used their time before finding the one, as that one was forever. Also, you might want to take "she-elf" out, that's actually a bit of an insult, as it was the Nazgul hissing it at Arwen.
Author's Response: Thank you for the honest review. I appreciate it. I am going to look through the piece and make a few adjustments to it.
You have a few little mistakes that are probably just from not having looked over the story properly and mind your quotation rules (Ã
should be "Namarie." when there is no he said or similar behind it.) Fixing these things would improve your story.
Good luck either way!
Author's Response: Ok, I'm not trying to be snotty or mean or anything, but dude, I'm twelve! I'm just now learning all of this quotation rules and junk, so, it's not going to be perfect. Thanks for pointing out that I should go back over it though. One question, did you understand it and did you like it? Thanks for the support. God Bless, Lindariel Rimdur
A very interesting story and I love how you have it from Aragorn's POV, thus leaving the reader to speculate how Frodo felt. I couldn't quite imagine Aragorn writing a diary, but it does work within the story. A nice read.
Author's Response: Ah! What a pleasure to have a review from someone whose stories I have enjoyed so much! Thank you! Yes, I rather had to come up with some way of allowing Aragorn to address this thing - and the journal seemed the most feasible, seeing Isildur seems to have kept one (at least, to write down the writing on the ring). I am glad the device 'worked' for you - and that you enjoyed the story. You have given me quite a few hours of enjoyment too! Ariel
Hello, your friendly moderator here. You have a few spelling and grammar issues you might want to weed out (for instance, chapter two should be titled "Massacre" and quotes are done like this - "Hello," Merry said - with commas, not full stops. Also, Legolas dwelt in Ithilien after the war, though he probably did go home to his father's kingdom now and then. But you might want to mention that to not confuse readers. And Thranduil did not really have a palace, but dwelt in caves. I would actually reccomend you get a beta - many writers have them, me included - and they're a great help. You can ask in the forums if you don't know of any or where to ask. I'll be curious to see who this dark threat is - one of the other wizards or another Maia spirit, perhaps?
I don't think your story uploaded properly - no text there.
Author's Response: Hmm, right. I've tried again and I think it worked this time.
Interesting premise. You've obviiusly read the book and dug up what you could find there, which of course doesn't tell the whole story. There's a lot about Smeagol that one has to guess and it's a good idea for a story. I'll be interested to see where you take it - I liked the orc-skull finding and the innocence of it all, knowing where Smeagol will end up.
There's a punctuaction hiccups, but nothing major, so it didn't bug me. Good start.
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. Please continue reading. I would love to know what you think of the rest of it. The chapters to come need a lot of work and are not as well written as they could be so I need all the advice that I can get.
Better riddle than I would written, that's for sure. Interesting that you had the grandmother having me Elves.
A few little things that could be fixed - grandmothers home should be grandmother's home, for instance - but it reads and the mistakes are not glaring. Still, if you're feeling a bit worried about your writing, have you considered getting a beta? They really do help a lot. You can ask at the forums here, for instance.
And all teh food descriptions made me hungry. Dratted.
Author's Response: Did I say that she met elves? I can't remember. She spent time with the Fallohides (a type of hobbit) who lived near the elves, but I don't think meant for her to have met elves directly. I'm going to have to look that over. I did have a beta, but she's always busy. Maybe I'll check out this forum. Thanks again for reviewing and for reading the story.