Penname: elf pimp [Contact] Real name: Bird
Member Since: 19/11/04
Membership status: Member
Bio:
HI! I'm Bird, and I just adore snoggin' elves.

And this is my lovely co-author Kath...:D

We are known as the demonic duo to our muses. And you will soon see why...;)

I, Bird, have quite a number of muses -
Haldir and Urewe (who is an Avari; Hot One in Quenya) are my main two muses, with Ingwe and Olwe.

Kath's muses are Legolas and Lancedhil (Naked Elf; a warden in Lorien), so far...;)

We love to torment our elves, and take advantage of every pervy or goofy, and sometimes serious, plot bunny with sharp pointy teeth that hops our way...
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Stories by elf pimp
Bird's First Homely Karaoke Bar by elf pimp Rated: NC-17 [Reviews - 1]
Summary: What happens when Bird and Kath open a Karaoke Bar at the Yahoo Little Balrog Group? Insanity...the Elves sing...this is a collaboration of the creative minds of the ladies of the YAHOO LITTLE BALROG GROUP....go check us out...;)
Categories: Lord of the Rings Slash
Characters: Original Character, Other
Genres: Humor, Parody
Warnings: Slash (same sex pairing)
Series: None
Chapters: 12 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 7732 Read Count: 9626
[Report This] Published: 29/11/04 Updated: 29/11/04
Burning Bright by elf pimp Rated: PG-13 [Reviews - 1]
Summary: Crossover of Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451 and LOTR...Clarisse is an elf, and Erestor's daughter (yes, It will be explained...) Montag is drawn into her world by a mysterious force... (PG-13 to NC-17)
Categories: Crossovers
Characters: Elrond
Genres: Drama, Romance, Tragedy
Warnings: Graphic Sex
Series: None
Chapters: 4 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 10794 Read Count: 3890
[Report This] Published: 23/12/04 Updated: 15/01/05
Fire in the Garden by elf pimp Rated: NC-17 [Reviews - 0]
Summary: feanor in the silmarillion, it is written that he challenged and threatened his half-brother fingolfin before their father Finwe. Feanor's spirit was hot, and he stormed from the confrontation. Just how hot was he?...Nerdanel/Feanor...
Categories: Book-verse
Characters: Nerdanel
Genres: Erotica
Warnings: Graphic Sex
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 1824 Read Count: 2055
[Report This] Published: 21/10/05 Updated: 21/10/05
Hunter and Rider by elf pimp Rated: PG-13 [Reviews - 0]
Summary: From the Half-Breeds world and Saga...another prequel describing some of Morwe and Nurwe's back ground...
Categories: Movie-verse
Characters: Original Character, Other
Genres: Drama, Angst, Tragedy, General
Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 2049 Read Count: 972
[Report This] Published: 20/05/05 Updated: 20/05/05
Legolas and Haldir's Most Excellent Adventure by elf pimp Rated: PG-13 [Reviews - 3]
Summary: Hal and Legs (our favorite Elves) get involved with a most unusual box, and are sent on a MOST EXCELLENT ADVENTURE!!! (from the loverly gruesome twosome, Kath and Bird)
Categories: Movie-verse
Characters: Aragorn, Legolas, Haldir
Genres: Humor, Parody
Warnings: AU (alternate universe)
Series: None
Chapters: 16 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 16462 Read Count: 15007
[Report This] Published: 10/01/05 Updated: 21/01/05
LOTR Children's Stories by elf pimp Rated: R [Reviews - 4]
Summary: Parodies of children's books
Categories: Movie-verse
Characters: Legolas, Elrohir, Elladan
Genres: Humor, Parody
Warnings: Kink, AU (alternate universe)
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 333 Read Count: 2255
[Report This] Published: 23/11/04 Updated: 23/11/04
Lullaby by elf pimp Rated: NC-17 [Reviews - 3]
Summary: Thranduil returns from the War of the Last Alliance
Categories: Book-verse
Characters: Original Character, Orophin, Other, Thranduil, Haldir
Genres: General
Warnings: Graphic Sex, Character Death
Series: None
Chapters: 9 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 19377 Read Count: 8594
[Report This] Published: 30/10/05 Updated: 10/02/08
Morwe's Curse by elf pimp Rated: NC-17 [Reviews - 0]
Summary: Morwe meets the physical form of the voice in his head...and has his first sexual experience...(this is my first ever SERIOUS slash piece...any helpful remarks are appreciated...:) ) Kind of Non-consensual...though no one is really physically restrained...(oh darn it...)
Categories: Lord of the Rings Slash
Characters: Original Character, Other, Sauron
Genres: Angst, Drama
Warnings: Rape, Slash (same sex pairing)
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 5155 Read Count: 1749
[Report This] Published: 21/05/05 Updated: 21/05/05
Rivendell Rednecks by elf pimp Rated: PG-13 [Reviews - 31]
Summary: What happens when the elves are actually rednecks/elf-billies? Insanity of course!!! We would love to know what you think!! So do not hesitate to leave a comment...no flamers please...
Categories: Movie-verse
Characters: Legolas
Genres: Action/Adventure, Humor, Parody
Warnings: AU (alternate universe)
Series: None
Chapters: 10 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 7075 Read Count: 8242
[Report This] Published: 24/11/04 Updated: 25/12/04
Screw Yule by elf pimp Rated: NC-17 [Reviews - 4]
Summary: These are a series of little drabbles and ficlets I wrote for the Screw Yule challenge at Little Balrong. They contain both het and slash...This one is about Arwen's little crush...PS I THRIVE on feedback...;)
Categories: Movie-verse, Lord of the Rings Slash
Characters: Arwen, Elladan, Elrohir, Erestor, Glorfindel
Genres: Humor, Romance
Warnings: Graphic Sex, Slash (same sex pairing)
Series: None
Chapters: 4 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 5375 Read Count: 4671
[Report This] Published: 04/01/05 Updated: 04/01/05
Seduction by elf pimp Rated: NC-17 [Reviews - 0]
Summary: The events of Saironisse's birth. Set in the world of Half breeds, so I suppose this is a prequel...Feedback always welcome...
Categories: Movie-verse
Characters: Original Character
Genres: Horror, Angst, Tragedy
Warnings: Graphic Sex, Rape, Character Death, AU (alternate universe)
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 3038 Read Count: 1179
[Report This] Published: 06/04/05 Updated: 06/04/05
Teleporno and Orgasmo by elf pimp Rated: R [Reviews - 8]
Summary: The Truly Pervy Adventures of TELEPORNO and his trusty sidekick Elr...erm...ORGASMO! A silly fic...what happens when two elf lords are kicked out by their wives? PLS REVIEW...:D This was written for the Little Balrog Yahoo Group SEX* Challenge. *Silver-haired Elf X-tasy...because those silver Haired elves whose names start with Cel just don't get laid enough...!!!!
Categories: Movie-verse
Characters: Legolas, Elrond, Celeborn, Glorfindel, Haldir, Erestor
Genres: Parody
Warnings: AU (alternate universe)
Series: None
Chapters: 12 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 10516 Read Count: 16323
[Report This] Published: 19/11/04 Updated: 20/11/04
The Elfling Chronicles by elf pimp Rated: PG-13 [Reviews - 1]
Summary: Thranduil plays with his young son Legolas...OFC/Thranduil...
Categories: Movie-verse
Characters: Legolas, Thranduil, Original Character
Genres: Humor
Warnings: AU (alternate universe)
Series: None
Chapters: 4 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 6596 Read Count: 6533
[Report This] Published: 16/01/05 Updated: 22/02/08
The Half Breeds by elf pimp Rated: NC-17 [Reviews - 0]
Summary: Legolas escapes his father. Haldir is in need of distraction. Rumil and Orophin are looking for an elleth, or female of any kind. Elladan and Elrohir are dangerously bored. The Avari want to be heard....Feedback is extrememly welcome...even critical evaluation...(non-flaming of course...;P)
Categories: Book-verse
Characters: Elladan, Elrohir, Glorfindel, Haldir, Legolas, Original Character, Orophin, Other, Thranduil
Genres: Action/Adventure, Angst, Drama, Erotica, Fantasy, General, Horror, Humor, Mystery, Other, Parody, Poetry, Romance, Tragedy
Warnings: AU (alternate universe), Character Death, Graphic Sex, Rape, Slash (same sex pairing), Torture
Series: None
Chapters: 14 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 52898 Read Count: 10816
[Report This] Published: 28/01/05 Updated: 12/06/06
The Sundering by elf pimp Rated: PG-13 [Reviews - 0]
Summary: Characters: Olwe, Elwe, Orome, Morwe, Nurwe, Finwe (OCS: Ranwe, Airwe)... The first sundering of the elves...back by the shores of Cuivienen
Categories: Movie-verse
Characters: Original Character, Other
Genres: General
Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 2266 Read Count: 1124
[Report This] Published: 20/05/05 Updated: 20/05/05