You need to space out those huge blocks of text a lot as they are very hard to read like that. And when you start a conversation, also use a new paragraph, or new line, do not push the speech into the middle of the sentence.
I know in published books this is done, but reading on a screen is a lot different than picking up a book and it is daunting to see enormous blocks of writing.
You also need to put AU as a warning, as Haldir etc were not royalty in Tolkien and there is no such thing as a Fae in Tolkien.
Readers need to know as some will not read AU, they prefer canon-based work, it's only fair to warn them.
Just space out those blocks of text a little, into more readable paragraphs, and I would advise not using words like '' Mom '', as it is very un-Tolkien, the word for mother in Sindarin is '' naneth '', or '' nana '' for '' Mum ''.
It is very hard to comment as yet, since it makes my eyes hurt, even on larger text size. If you break it up, it will be far easier to follow.
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