Beautiful story here... Ok, I'm a bit biased, my favorite character is Erestor... I love the dry humor and your descriptions feel quite vivid too. And of course it's nice to read something writen in proper English ^^
If I may suggest so, breaking the story into smaller chapter would have made it easier to read... I also feel that you gave up the suspense a bit too soon: we can tell almost from the start that Erestor is Melkor's son and that it will end up in a show down between the two...
I enjoyed reading it anyway!
Hello again. I have written a review already, but upon reading the number of reviews you have recieved for this piece (ONLY 10 - how INSULTING!) I have decided to elaborate. This was a wonderful story, you write your characters excellently, have an awesome sense of how to lay out a plot, and most importantly, you find ways to infuse your dialogue with wit and humour. I am very fond of the way you have chosen to write the Elves (and specifically, the dark elves) in this fic; they are sensual and cat-like, almost akin to Anne Rice's vampires.
I very much enjoyed reading the entire thing, and I hope that you will continue to write (whether or not you write fanfiction hardly matters) because you have an obvious and impressive talent for it.
Oh gods, I adore your writing style. It's an absolute delight. As is your Erestor. And you arguing kings. And your...you know what, I just adore the whole bloody cast. Oh, intriguing bits with Melkor, too, lots of fun. But my favorite part of this story has to be the subtle lacings of sarcastic, wry humor that flit about to catch the reader off guard with sudden amusement. It's a true tresure to read.
Only one thing I might change, and that's to separate your parts a bit more. If one didn't know for certain that they would have ample time to devote to reading the story, it would be quite the pain to try and mark a place to come back to later. However, the story itself? Wonderful!